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Olympic Skateboarder Makes History by Finding All 5 Letters on First Run

TOKYO — American skateboarder Oliver Flipman has made history as the first Olympian to find all 5 letters on their first run.

“Finding the letters was most important to me and I achieved that today,” Flipman told reporters after his historic performance. “I’ve been practicing my manuals so much for the last few years, because you need those to string together jumps and tricks, and I’m glad all the hard work paid off at the Olympic games!”

Flipman wasn’t able to smash all of the boxes or find the hidden tape in time, but the points earned from all the letters was enough to get him the win.

“I don’t know where the tape was, but hey, at least the soundtrack they had playing was fire,” Flipman added, noting he’d always been a big fan of the Dead Kennedys. “I did think it was a little weird how many random guys they let just stand around the Olympic arena, though. They kept trying to get me to do shit for them. I get that it’s the first year of the event, but I hope they iron that out for 2024.”

Hardcore skateboard fans who’d flown to Tokyo to watch the event couldn’t believe what they’d witnessed.

“That was so gnarly!” exclaimed skateboarding fan Anthony Hawk, 53. “It normally takes me ten or more runs to find them all but Flipman found all of them on his first run? Hey you guys know I’m Tony Hawk, right? You guys are all acting like you don’t realize I’m Tony Hawk.”

When asked what he would be doing to celebrate, Flipman said that he would be doing what all athletes do after they win a big event: getting really high.