LOS ANGELES — 2011 “Favorite TV Reality, Variety, or Comedy Personality or Act” ALMA Award nominee Mario Lopez was once again foiled at the hands of his arch nemesis Wario Lopez after cutting his microphone midway through a recent filming of an Access Hollywood segment, agitated show producers confirmed.
“Him and his outlandishly zigzagging mustache have been quite a nuisance around here,” said Mario Lopez, following the incident. “Lately, he’s been sneaking onto the sound stage and turning off the power on my mic before fleeing the scene shouting, ‘I’m a-Wario Lopez and I’m a-gonna win!’ Sure, it’s mildly inconvenient, and we just restart the take and go about our business, but enough already! I’m actually more concerned that he’s been following me home while tossing banana peels at me from his electric Smart Car window. Honestly, what’s with this guy?”
Speaking to the press, Wario Lopez shed some light on the origins of the very public grudge he has long held against the heavily dimpled actor.
“I must show a-Mario Lopez that I’m a-number one!” said Wario Lopez. “You see, a long time ago, we both auditioned for the role of AC Slater in Saved by the Bell and it was a-Mario who got the part. Ever since it’s been my mission to thwart his career any chance I got. Thankfully, he’s mostly sabotaged himself with his acting choices, like The Dog Who Saved a-Christmas, so there’s not much for a-Wario to do but disrupt these entertainment show recordings.”
The Access Hollywood film crew has been routinely irritated by the mostly one-sided rivalry.
“We’ve had to call cops on that creep on multiple occasions,” said Jennifer Ploddington, sound engineer for the entertainment news program. “Turns out, there’s simply nothing we can do about it though. The authorities said they can’t arrest someone for comic mischief, and the judge rejected Mario’s restraining order request even after Wario purposefully pushed him down a nearby drainage pipe during an on-location home makeover segment with Ty Pennington. I’m worried it’s just a matter of time before someone is seriously injured.”
At press time, Wario Lopez decided to abandon his attempts to sabotage the Saved by the Bell reboot after learning it’d be on the Peacock network.
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