LAVENDER TOWN, Kanto — After hours of arduous and divisive debate, the citizens of Lavender Town narrowly voted in favor of a measure to reduce the volume of the music that perpetually blares from the city’s PA system.
“It was time for a change,” said local Pokémon caretaker and flautist Mr. Fuji. “After the incident with Team Rocket, I came to the realization that maybe having a town whose identity is rooted entirely in the macabre was attracting the wrong element. Our droning, spooky town theme struck me as a sort of Siren’s Song for troublemakers.”
The resolution was already a product of compromise. Fuji had previously proposed changing the music altogether until early polling made it clear that that was a non-starter.
“I tried to convince people that our music could be upbeat and inviting to tourists. I’m from Cinnabar Island, where the tight, 50-second loop of music that never stops is at least pleasant,” said Fuji while tending to his Cubone. “But locals who have lived here their whole lives saw me as an outsider attacking their traditions. Ultimately, though, stagnating growth and tourism helped earn me the public’s support to at least take it down a notch.”
Many who opposed the motion cited the music’s tone as befitting the town, which is most notably home to the Pokémon Tower, a seven-story Pokémon mausoleum. Nevertheless, even those who voted against the measure had their own ideas for how the town might evolve.
“The music is just fine. If you ask me, it’s the name that needs to be changed,” said Name Rater, another prominent local. “The name ‘Lavender Town’ doesn’t really evoke the sense of oppressive dread that accompanies being surrounded by restless spirits, and that’s what makes this place feel like home. Our town’s deeply unsettling music captures that perfectly. That’s why I suggest we rename this place ‘The Spooky Zone.’”
Even with the music settled, the east Kanto town will not get a long reprieve from auditory controversy. Sources confirm that a radio company is in talks to acquire the iconic Pokémon Tower, drawing the ire of the Kanto Gastly Conservancy and potentially tastelessly displacing hundreds of gravesites of beloved Pokémon.