BURBANK, Calif. — Warner Bros Studios has announced their 2025 slate, with “Untitled Popcorn Bucket Project” being a topic of discussion nationwide, confused sources confirmed.
“We’re really excited to share our newest projects with you,” Warner Bros spokesperson Maisie Paisley explained. “While we can’t dive too much into the details, we can tell you that this bucket will have a budget of $150 million and we hope it spawns a bucket-matic universe with at least three sequels. We can’t wait for you to see it! There will also be a movie to go along with it.”
Internal leaks have revealed just how comprehensive the bucket-making process has been. One memo revealed that Warner Bros hired a “Fuckability Consultant” to make their buckets both flirty and functional.
“It’s been one of the craziest projects I’ve ever been a part of,” Fuckability Consultant and former adult film prop artist John Raremy explained in a livestream after a search for the consultant went viral. “After the ‘Dune’ popcorn bucket became a de-facto Fleshlight, Warner Bros realized that centering their designs around sexual arousal would make them the most money, and thus hired me.”
While the popcorn bucket has dominated mainstream discourse regarding Warner Bros’ slate, others have tried to learn more about the movie accompanying the bucket.
“The writing process has been a nightmare,” Former staff writer Paige Turner expressed frustration about the lack of direction. “The executives just want us to write a movie around the bucket. So essentially all we have to work with is making a movie about something aluminum and fuckable; ‘Ex Machina’ has already been made! I had no choice but to resign along with a few of my coworkers.”
At press time, Warner Bros announced that both the popcorn bucket and its subsequent movie have been shelved and written off for tax purposes.
