KYOTO, Japan — Gamers were ecstatic to discover that a new video game called Kyoto Sunrise is going to be set in Feudal Japan, according to excited sources.
“Wow. Feudal Japan? That’s crazy!” said Wade Roethlisberger, self-professed expert on Japanese culture. “It’s such a fresh space and setting for video games, I don’t know how more haven’t done it already. I mean sure, there’s Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice and Like a Dragon: Ishin and Ghost of Tsushima and Nioh and Nioh 2 and Monster Hunter: Rise and Trek to Yomi and Okami and Fire Emblem Fates and and the entire Onimusha series and upcoming titles like Path of the Goddess and Rise of the Ronin and Phantom Blade Zero and probably an eventual Ghost Of Tsushima 2 but still! I’m just not bored of it! More shamisen and sakura trees in my life, please!”
Kyoto Sunrise promises to have all the stuff that makes feudal Japan in video games cool, according to game director Ryoma Watanabe.
“Yeah I dunno, there’ll be a bit where a dude puts his sword back in his sheathe and it like, cuts a thousand things or some shit. I’m sure we can letterbox the screen and throw around some gods like Amaterasu or Raijin or whatever all the other ones have done,” Watanabe explained, puffing on a huge cigar.
“We’re really uh, pushing the boundaries I think. This setting, yeah. I mean weirdos — uh, I mean otakus — or, you know, gamers, are gonna love it. You kids like Japanese culture? Very cool, very cool. You’re just like a real samurai!”
Recent teaser trailers have revealed an exciting new feature that’ll “really put you in Japan” in which your character slowly dies sad and alone if they don’t get promoted at their job.
