REDMOND, Wash. — Video game studios are dying left and right and Microsoft is the Grim Reaper, wielding closure announcements and layoffs like the two blades of a jagged scythe. We went undercover at Microsoft to find out how they came to these decisions but things worked out a little differently.
Arkane Austin, Tango Gameworks, Alpha Dog Games; these names should be etched on tombstones and erected in a field alongside Lionhead Studios, Ensemble Studios, Press Play, and all the other fallen studios that couldn’t survive being owned by Microsoft. With multiple studio closures, 1900 employees laid off, and more of both looming on the horizon, many gamers and game studio employees have been left in fear of the future, and rightfully so.
You don’t need Batman Arkham detective vision to see that something is clearly amiss at Microsoft. However, as journalists, it is our sworn duty to uncover the real dirt beneath the turf of lies, no matter how dirty our hands get. So we decided to get to the bottom of it. With our sacred objective in our minds and Baja Blast in our bellies, we hashed out a plan to infiltrate Microsoft posing as employees to get a firsthand look at their nefarious business practices.
We couldn’t expect to just waltz into Microsoft and have them hand us their secrets on a silver platter. As gaming journalists, we would have been accosted by executives giving us the same corpo-speak tidbits we already got from Geoff Keighley. True investigative work would have been impossible. So we took inspiration from the classic film The Master of Disguise, which has played in a loop in the break room at our office ever since the DVD got stuck in the player.
Getting into the Microsoft office was surprisingly easy. The security must have also been laid off. There were plenty of parking spaces to choose from. Someone just let us in and then we took some empty cubicles, of which there was an abundance of, and acted like we worked there.
Our plan was cut short, however. Just as soon as we sat down in our cubicles there was a cacophony of groans and sobbing echoing throughout the building. All the employees began making their way out of the office. Another mass email had been sent announcing more layoffs, and our entire division was on the chopping block. A heavy chain and padlock were placed on the door behind us.
Unfortunately, all we gained from our investigation was grief and empty pockets. In that way, we can relate to the laid-off Microsoft employees, who have been cast out into the cold, dark world all for the sake of Microsoft’s bottom line. The gaming industry is full of talented and passionate people. It is our misfortune as premium gaming journalists to witness these talented and passionate people ground under the wheels of big business.
Also, if anyone is in the market for an eyepatch and some dollar store fake mustaches, I am looking to sell mine. I spent way more on my disguise than I should and I’m worried about rent.
