LOS ANGELES — Seth Rogen was caught getting high by smoking a fire flower with an unnamed koopa troopa on-set between takes while filming Illumination Studios’ upcoming Super Mario film, according to those close to the production.
“Who cares? Are they going to fire me? I mean, is this even technically weed?” Rogen asked, his outfit’s color palette still slightly tinged red and white due to the latent effects of the fire flower molecules still in his bloodstream. “I don’t know for sure, but whatever it is, it’s really been helping me get into the mind of Donkey Kong or whatever, so I really don’t see why it’s a problem. If anything, it’s an indication of how seriously I take the role.”
Others on-set balked at Rogen’s abject lack of professionalism.
“This is a family movie, and Seth is sitting around getting high with the extras,” complained co-star Chris Pratt, speaking entirely in his Mario voice as part of his method acting process. “Couldn’t he be a better role model? There are a lot of impressionable Christian children out there who look up to Donkey Kong. As an example of an inferior creature that God created to make humans feel more secure in their holy sovereignty, I mean.”
Word quickly spread of Rogen’s actions on-set, and reached the ears of executives at Nintendo.
“We take drug use very seriously in Japan,” remarked Shigeru Miyamoto. “Fire flowers are not meant to be used to get high. They are meant to be weapons of destruction, to set anyone and anything in your way up in flames. My heart goes out to anyone on set who may have been offended by Mr. Rogen’s behavior, and I hope the studio will do the proper thing and completely erase any of his involvement with the film.”
At press time, Seth Rogen was unable to stop giggling while trying to pick up a large barrel to throw at Chris Pratt.