RURAL SPAIN — A Spanish villager has reportedly spent the day decorating their home with boxes and crates containing just a single shotgun shell to get their mind off the coming plague.
“I guess this is just our way here. I like to keep my house fully stocked with all of the essentials just in case,” explained Rosa Garcia as she prepped a crumbling old crate. “You could probably break this entire crate by just smacking it once with a knife. It’s good; you never know when you might need a drawer full of loose herbs or the key to your neighbor’s secret safe.”
Despite the neighborhood’s traditions, not every villager agrees with this age-old tradition. spoke with s about his reservations.
“I just don’t get it. Every few years we do this and it just seems like we could be using our time better. I mean half the village have turned into literal monsters and basically like clockwork some cop always comes and steals all of this shit anyway, so what exactly is the point?” said resident Johnathan Swinter, walking back and forth from his home to the local water well, repeating only this exact statement anytime he was approached.
This police officer in question, Leon Kennedy, explained how beneficial this custom has been to his police work.
“Thank god for those random boxes with one shotgun shell — it has saved my ass more than once,” Kennedy said. “I feel pretty lucky that I’m constantly stumbling on brittle old boxes filled with the exact supplies I need. After a long day of fighting a large slug-like man-creature, it’s nice to not have to worry about where I am going to find my next first aid spray can to wildly spray on my freshly amputated arm curing it instantly, or the keycard to my dead friends locker for some of that sweet pomade to keep my hair in place.”
“I don’t quite know why everyone here is so messy,” he added, “but I’m not about to start complaining.”
At press time, the villagers had begun the final stage of preparation by smearing dirt on the walls and slightly unscrewing any light bulbs they could find causing them all to flicker to improve the neighborhood’s ambiance.
