NEW YORK CITY — Sony CEO Jim Ryan shocked the video game world today by announcing his plans to step down from his role, and subsequently “play a shitload of Halo,” sources confirmed.
“That’s not the whole reason I’m stepping down, the Halo 2 thing, just so everybody knows,” said Ryan, in a press release. “But if I’m being honest, it’s part of it. It’s been in the back of my head for a while now: ‘Hmm, that Halo seems fun as hell.’ It’s not that I was forbidden from trying it even, but you know, it just seemed a little funny. Now I’m all over it, though! I have a lot of free time, and after talking it over with my friends and family, I think I’m going to start with Halo 2.”
Gamers were surprised to hear about Ryan’s sudden departure, and mostly all agreed that Halo is pretty dope.
“Wow, so just like that, huh?” said local gamer Omar Greene. “He’s been CEO of Sony Interactive Entertainment since 2011, I didn’t think he’d just step down so abruptly one day. But let’s be real, whether we’re CEO’s or not, everyone dreams of just telling work to fuck off one day and play a bunch of Halo 2 instead. This is honestly my favorite thing Jim Ryan’s ever done. Xbox should hire him or something.”
As of press time, Ryan had been in his basement for the last few hours with some kids from his neighborhood, and could at one point be heard yelling “Hot damn, this Game Pass has so much shit on it!”
