LONDON – Researchers at King’s College today identified the benefits of equipping multiple newly discovered items from the regalia of William of Occam, the Surrey-born scholar famed for soloing fourteenth century life with nought but his signature blade.
“We’re pleased to announce the discovery of two unique and usable items – a buckler and an amulet – which were discovered in a locked chest behind a fake door in the third level of Occam’s Tomb,” said Dr. Carol Spinx, Professor of Unique Items. “When paired with Occam’s Razor, individuals receive a notable boost to fire resistance and dodge ability as well as a limited number of Revive Friendly Animal spells that can be recharged by ten uninterrupted kills of any one enemy type. The amulet also looks really cool and can be traded to any merchant once you reach max level.”
Gary of Occam, the present-day heir to the Occam estate, bearer of the Razor and part-time Marvel vlogger, was delighted to hear that new levels of his ancestors’ tomb had been accessed.
“There was an old family story about the tomb having treasures in it beyond the Razor itself, but people had searched and searched over the centuries and nothing had ever been found. I’m glad the King’s College team tried lighting those ancient torches in a specific order. I always hoped there was more there, because the Razor by itself is pretty mid despite its rarity. And I’ve always been, like, super weak to fire, so the amulet should help.”
The Ghost Of Occam, reached for comment by dropping exactly nineteen rubies and a fireball scroll into the offering basket located to the right of the Tomb entrance, warned of the new items’ corrupting power.
“The answer you seek ‘tis simp’list, indeed: be warned of mine buckler, mine jewel and thy greed. The Razor will cut thee, and gold shall thee bleed. Also those things weigh a shit ton so you can’t carry any other items. And also, now you’re poisoned. Boo!”
As of press time, King’s College was seeking any information on the whereabouts of Chekov’s Shroud, Lance and Battle Boots.
