PEWTER CITY, Kanto — Due to ballooning wait times at the local Pokémon Center, Nurse Joy has been forced to take patients in the order they began rapidly smashing the “A” button.
“We understand that patients will be frustrated, but we’re doing the best we can, really,” said Nurse Joy about the new policy. “We operate a sort of first-come, first-served basis now, where the trainer and their Pokémon are given priority for hammering that ‘A’ button at the front desk, and then repeatedly as I talk to them through the healing process in excruciating detail.”
When asked whether she could reduce wait times by skipping the last step, Joy was dismissive.
“I know trainers are busy, I do. But it’s very important for me to explain exactly what happens in the five-second healing process, every single time they come in,” she said, before loading a new set of Pokéballs into the machine, one at a time. “If I don’t give them the minute-long monologue, they might forget how it works.”
Pewter’s resident gym leader, Brock Stone, was not convinced.
“I understand the pressure these doctors and nurses are under, but I can’t help believe that if she didn’t give us the spiel, start to finish, and every single time, then these wait times could be cut in half,” said Stone, who has heard her explanation thousands of times. “I mean, her job is essentially the same as refilling a vending machine at the end of the day. Ironically, while I smash that ‘A’ as hard as I can, all she really has to do is push one button once to start the machine. A Primeape could do it. It’s a ten second task, really!”
In response to complaints, the Pokémon Center announced it would be laying off Nurse Joy and replacing her with a self-service machine that somehow takes even longer.
