ANIMAL VILLAGE — Nook Inc. announced this week that they would be initiating a review of Blathers Museum after CEO Tom Nook complained that it wasn’t painting island history positively enough.
“Blathers Museum is OUT OF CONTROL,” wrote Nook in a late night tirade on social media. “It is fixated on nothing but BUGS and FOSSILS. Nothing about success, nothing about brightness. Nothing about how I built this place to what it is now through generous loans and forced labor of the minority human population. We’re not going to allow this and I have instructed my sons to go through the museum and ensure it’s exhibits paint the version of history I deem acceptable. This Island cannot be WOKE, because WOKE IS BROKE. We have the ‘HOTTEST’ Island in the World, and we want people to talk about it, including in our Museums.”
Nook’s sons Timmy and Tommy have outlined the process by which they will restructure the museum.
“We’re gonna do just like dad told us. We’re gonna go through the museum and get rid of anything that is a bug or fossil and replace it with an exhibit about how great dad is,” the pair said in complete tandem. “The villagers need to know about the glory that our father has brought to this island. If it wasn’t for him, that human wouldn’t have even done any of the work building the village and getting villagers to move in. He made this island great and that’s more important than bugs. But if Blathers wants to keep some bug exhibits up then he can buy them back from Nook Inc for a perfectly reasonable amount of Bells.”
Museum owner Blathers hit back against Nook’s crusade.
“This attempt by Tom Nook and his cronies to paper over an important part of island history is a disservice to everyone on this island. The villagers deserve to know about the bugs and fossils that inhabit their home. I mean, what’s more important than bugs and fossils? Sanitizing this museum to prop up Tom Nook’s fragile ego is the worst thing that has happened to this island since a bunch of villagers disappeared because the owner found them undesirable.”
At press time, Nook Inc has already started work on it’s revisionist exhibits, changing the Sea Bass exhibit to C+.
