NEW YORK — In the conclusion of a grueling two-year legal battle, local carpenter and recent divorcee Adam Hartley, 34, instinctively muttered “GG” immediately after losing custody of his children, sources confirmed.
“I had no control over it. I guess it was a reflex I developed from all those years of online gaming,” explained Hartley after giving his children one final hug. “And that reflex got triggered when the judge took away my right to be involved in my children’s lives from this day forward. It was an oddly familiar feeling: my palms began to sweat, my heart started to sink — have you ever lost that final 1v1 in Warzone? Your whole squad yelling in your ears to shoot at the bushes, but you went prone to try to shove another armor plate on and you get shot at the last second? It was pretty much like that. Now why don’t we run that shit back, scrubs?”
Connie Strickman, Hartley’s ex-wife, was surprised at Hartley’s reaction to the ruling.
“I was fully expecting Adam to flip a table and start cursing wildly,” said Strickman, “but instead he just calmly muttered ‘GG,’ reached to remove a headset that wasn’t even there, and took his L in stride. Our children may never see him again, but at least their last memory of him is a good lesson on taking a loss. Now as far as running it back, I think Adam should focus on his single-player campaign instead. No re.”
Gamers close to Hartley confirmed that though a rematch is off the table, he ultimately accepted his defeat.
“I’ll admit my ex-wife absolutely deserved that win and also full custody of our three children,” said Hartley. “I’ll just keep reminding myself that life is like a game — sometimes you win, and sometimes your parental privileges are terminated, but what matters is how you bounce back. I’ve already gotten third place in Warzone like twice since then, so who’s the real winner?”
At press time, Hartley officially filed an appeal against the court’s ruling, citing that if he was such a bad father then he wouldn’t have been able to reach 100% completion in God of War: Ragnarok.
