For over a decade G Fuel has been the number one hydration choice for gamers everywhere – when they remember to hydrate. Packed with enough energy and antioxidants to counteract the effects of sitting for long periods of time (the leading cause of gamer death), it’s no wonder G Fuel is the official energy drink of Esports. But for hardcore gamers who crush multiple cans a day, it can get expensive. That’s why here at the Hard Drive lab we’ve been working tirelessly to reverse engineer G Fuel into a clone recipe even the most basic kitchen noob can follow.
Step 1: Choose Your Flavor
Start with any base drink you like. A fruit juice, coffee, even a different energy drink. Don’t worry about if your choice has the right chemical consistency to blend with the rest of the formula, we’ll deal with that later.
Step 2: Gather Your Tools
You’ll need a large pot, some coffee filters, and of course, a PS Move wand for mixing
Step 3: Make Your Starter Base
Pour your starter drink and some Mountain Dew into the pot and simmer over low heat, stirring constantly.
Step 4: Make It Healthy!
G Fuel stands apart from other gamer supplements because it contains vitamins and antioxidants to keep your focus sharp while providing a burst of energy. Blend up all the vegetables you lied to yourself about on your last trip to the grocery store six weeks ago and add them to the starter base. Not only do these plants still contain some vitamins, but the natural penicillin growing in their moldy parts will help fight “athlete’s” foot.
Step 5: Reduce The Acidity
To reduce the acidity of your mixture you must add something basic. Drop in three rounds of Smash Bros and stir until dissolved.
Step 6: Capture The Streamer Ghost
Once the smell of thick, boiling Mountain Dew has attracted the streamer ghost, use the coffee filter to capture it.
Step 7: Feed The Streamer Ghost
The ghost will be insatiable. Feed it the contents of the pot while stroking its head and giving it the love it didn’t get while it was alive. Continue to feed it until it begins to distortion scream into its purgatorial voice chat, signifying that it is full.
Step 8: Infuse With Energy
This is the step that will put the energy into your energy drink. The average streamer dies with extremely high blood levels of caffeine and taurine, so much that the compounds become fused with their spiritual essence and carry over with them into the realm of the dead. This essentially turns the streamer ghost into a never-ending source of energy. Like a tea bag that never gets weak. Just be sure your streamer ghost was not a Katamari Damacy player, or the THC will cancel it out.
Step 9: Collect the Streamer Ghost’s Phantom Piss
After an hour, your infused mixture is ready to extract. But ghosts don’t urinate like the rest of us so you’ll need to wring it out over your pot like a cartoon. Be careful, as the liquid will now be hotter than it was on the stove. Once the phantom piss is collected you can release the ghost. It will try to hang around and get more of the Dew, so at this point turn off your wifi to make it go away.
Step 10: Bottle Your Beverage
Place a funnel into an empty barbeque sauce bottle you left behind your monitor two months ago and carefully pour in the hot liquid. Spill two thirds of it and ruin your favorite Genshin shirt.
Step 11: Rage Quit
Throw the remaining mixture and all of your tools at the wall then blame the streamer ghost for your screw up and doxx them.
Step 12: Finish Up
Give this recipe to your older cousin so they can complete it for you. Now sit back and enjoy your homemade G Fuel!
Header image via Electric shock on youtube.
