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Lakitu Not Really Doing Anything With That Film Studies Degree

MUSHROOM KINGDOM — Sutiban Nimbus, a local Lakitu who majored in film studies, has not been involved with any jobs related to his degree for over two decades, local sources have confirmed.

“Of course, he just had to go to film school instead of doing anything practical,” said Mitzi Nimbus, Sutiban’s mother. “My husband and I told him that he would never be able to make a living off of it, but we wanted to be supportive, so we paid for half of his tuition. After all that, he’s taking odd jobs at the race track, which he could have done right out of high school. Now he has all that extra debt.”

Sutiban’s friends note that he frequently still talks about the only production he ever worked on, despite the fact that more than twenty years have passed since its completion.

“Every time I see him, he brings up that old Mario project,” said Benny Lakitie, one of Sutiban’s closest friends. “He’ll shoehorn it into any conversation. I was telling him how I had to mute the basketball game the other night because my kids were sleeping, and he was like, ‘That’s just like when I directed Mario on how he should sneak by sleeping enemies at Whomp’s Fortress.’ I don’t know why he thinks working with Mario is some kind of brag. We used to throw spinies at that dude when we were kids.”

Despite the criticism surrounding him, Sutiban insists that he has not given up on his career in film.

“It’s true that I haven’t worked on any major studio projects since Mario 64, but that’s by choice,” said Sutiban. “I’m an experimental artist by nature, and the Big Five just don’t give you that kind of freedom anymore. Do you really think they’d let us get away with that C-Button camerawork these days? No, now it’s all sanitized, L-Targeting bullshit. I’m still creating, though. Smaller stuff, like I’ve got some pretty cool stop-motion projects on YouTube. It’s not like Robot Chicken, though, so don’t compare it to Robot Chicken.”

At press time, Sutiban had posted a vague message to Twitter and Instagram telling his followers to stay tuned for exciting news about an upcoming project and directing them to check out a link in his bio that led to a blank WordPress page.