BURBANK, Calif. — Despite early reports that Jack Black had been cast as player character Steve in the upcoming “Minecraft” movie, the actor recently confirmed that he will be taking on the role of an especially noisy block of gravel.
“The way I see it, gravel is a whole bunch of rocks,” said Black, who broke into an exaggerated falsetto at several points throughout his statement. “And there’s nothing I love more than rock. Especially when it’s really, really, really loud rock. So when I got this script and saw there was a role for a bunch of really loud rocks, I was like, ‘Steve, who? I wanna play this guy.’ I called up my agent right away and sealed the deal. Comeonahyeah-haaa!”
Fans of the blockbuster sandbox game were excited about the casting news.
“This cast is absolutely stacked! I can’t wait to see the movie,” said Joey Connor, 10. “Jack Black was so funny in the Goosebumps movies, and I still listen to ‘Peaches’ from the Mario movie every day on the ride to school. I heard Jason Momoa is gonna be the Ender Dragon. That’s right, Aquaman himself will be the final boss of the whole movie. I heard he was in ‘Game of Thrones,’ too, but my mom won’t let me watch it, which is totally unfair. My friend Terry gets to watch it and he’s only three months and two days older than me.”
The production team was reportedly thrilled to have Black on board.
“I’ve always thought gravel was the most dynamic of the substrates,” said Hess, the project’s third director. “So it was important to find the right person to play this block. If I shot ‘Napoleon Dynamite’ with anyone besides Jon Heder in the lead role, it would have flopped. I worked with Jack on ‘Nacho Libre,’ so I knew he would have the perfect energy for this character. He’s large-yet-agile, multi-faceted, and when he comes crashing down, you’re sure gonna hear about it. Plus, I have personally witnessed him dropping flint when someone hits him.”
At press time, producers announced that Matt Berry had been cast as a cacophonous block of sand, which they described as, “kind of like British gravel.”
