Press "Enter" to skip to content

It Gets Worse: Birth Certificate Reveals Doug Bowser’s Middle Name Is ‘King Boo’

PASADENA, Calif —-  Nintendo fans were shocked after a recent reveal from the company that Nintendo of America president Doug Bowser’s middle name is King Boo. 

“Guys, I just don’t know what to say,” [the human] Bowser said at an emergency press conference Friday. “Before you ask, neither of my parents had ever played a single video game before, let alone a Mario title. It was a genuine, pure coincidence. The Bowser clan hails back to seventeenth century Ireland, and ‘King Boo’ was meant to be a tribute to my late grandfather King Boo who died when my father was young. I was as surprised as anybody to learn that there is also a Mario villain called King Boo. Next they’re going to tell me that one of my siblings has a Mario name like my brother Brian or my little sister Birdo.”

Nintendo fans seemed split on whether or not the reveal was beneficial or a red flag. 

“This is…this can’t be happening,” said Nintendo fan Andrew Cromwell. “I was able to accept that his last name could be Bowser, but this goes too far. I don’t know if this means I can’t trust him, someone named after two evil villains notorious for kidnapping people or destroying the world, or maybe this means he’s the ideal candidate to make Mario games, a person who lived their entire life named after multiple iconic Mario characters.”

Legendary Nintendo designer Shigeru Miyamoto believes the name is no coincidence.

“I thought it was just luck, pure happenstance, but then one day I saw Mr. Bowser’s mushroom-shaped birthmark on his back. He is the one that the prophecies foretold to lead Nintendo,” Miyamoto said. “Years we have waited for the high-level executive to usher in a new renaissance for gaming, and we believe that Douglas King Boo Bowser is the chosen one. We name all our Mario villains after the etchings in our company scroll passed down from game director to game director, etchings we thought were random gibberish, until now.”

At press time, sources reported that the supposed coincidence deepened after fans realized Bowser shared a name with iconic Mario villain ‘Doug.”