GRAPEVINE, Texas — GameStop has officially opened new “Pre-Pre-Orders” for games that exist only in concept art, a spokesperson for the company confirmed.
“For years, we here at GameStop have been looking for new and innovative ways to get money out of our customers’ pockets, and into ours, as soon as possible”, said Sheila Vernick, GameStop’s head of sales. “In the video game industry today, there is often a multi-year window between when gamers see that first-look concept art for a new title, and when they can actually give us their money for that game, and we just want to relieve them of that burden as early on in the process as we can.”
Loyal GameStop customers were quick to share their excitement for the exclusive new program.
“It’s just nice to be able to lock in my interest in these games as early as possible”, said GameStop Pro Member Skyler Patterson. “I saw some concept art on a Blender forum for a no-budget open-world action-adventure puzzle shooter. It only had three views, but it looked great, so I went straight to GameStop and they let me pre-pre-order the game for eighty bucks. And in thirty-five years–or possibly never–when that game is finally released, I’m going to be one of the first to play.”
An anonymous local GameStop employee was happy to share with us an insider look on how this program operates store-to-store.
“Yeah there’s not really like a guide or anything that tells us how to price the pre-pre-orders, so I kind of wing it”, claimed the employee. “Usually people just come in and show me some stick figure drawing of Master Chief or a shitty 3D rendering of some knockoff Pikmin game they want to pre-pre-order, and I just use a random number generator to come up with the price. Corporate doesn’t really care as long as they’re giving us money.”
At press time, pre-pre-orders for Grand Theft Auto: Beantown have already sold out.
