ROCHESTER, Minn. — Local gamer Greg Beckwyth has been diagnosed with clinical depression after coming to the conclusion that no matter what he says the dialogue always ends up the same.
“Whenever I talk to NPCs, I feel like they’re not really listening to what I’m saying,” complained Beckwyth using what he assumed was his only option. “The worst is when I want to say something, but I don’t even get the option I want to say. Like, I knew that Diablo 4 villager was possessed by a demon, and I could’ve stopped his wife from running up to him and embracing him. But no, I only get to say ‘he looks fine to me’ and watch her die, it’s horrible.”
“And that makes me wonder: are the dialogue options in my life the same way?” he asked. “Do I have the power to change my life? Or are we all just characters floating around the world with four things to say that all mean the same thing? Oh god, oh fuck.”
Beckwyth became increasingly agitated while being interviewed, taking long pauses between sentences as if he was choosing what to say.
“Greg has just had a rough go of it the past few years and came to me at a real low point,” explained Dr. Divio. “We connected through BetterHelp and began sessions during COVID lockdown. The seclusion was a big issue for him, as he didn’t regularly interact with other people, just the characters he comes across in his games. It’s been a struggle, especially since I keep having lapses about his condition and end each session with him by saying the exact same thing before I log off.”
At press time, Beckwyth began having a panic attack about what to wear after realizing all his clothes have the same stats.
