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Game Introduces Easy Mode Called “I’m 35 and Have One Hour to Play This”

SEATTLE — Aging gamers were reportedly delighted to see that a new video game called Eldric Quest has accessibility features catered specifically to people their age who do not have enough time to actually play a video game.

“I came back from the office at around 7 p.m. and was so happy to see this mode implemented because holy shit am I tired,” said Jorah Watson, yawning as he looked at his watch to see it was already almost 9:30. “I’m happy I had just enough time to customize my character.”

“It’s really great, because usually I’d hop into a game, get through about half a puzzle, and then the next session, spend my entire gaming hour trying to remember what I did the time before,” he added. “Usually when I finish a video game, it means I just watched a playthrough on TV like it’s a Netflix show.”

The game’s developers said they were happy to help fans connect with the gameplay in a way that suits their needs.

“Usually developers try to shame people into choosing the higher difficulty,” said lead designer Rory Mcgrath. “They do stuff like calling the easiest difficulty ‘baby mommy get my binkie,’ but it turns out that this stuff is actually useful for people who have babies! We’re here for you and we know that being 35 is really really really old, whether you’re willing to admit it or not.”

At press time, Watson admitted that he hadn’t actually touched Eldric Quest in two weeks, though, because his wife really wanted to start watching The Bear instead.

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