ARTEMIS ISLAND — A supposed gamer wearing a Mandalorian costume and trying to score drugs at the Fortnite Coachella event was unanimously believed to be an undercover DEA agent, sources have confirmed.
“Hey, do you guys know if they have drugs in here yet,” the Mandalorian asked a shirtless John Wick that was aggressively gyrating behind a bent over John Cena during Billie Eilish’s groundbreaking headlining virtual set. “I think drugs would help me enjoy the show, no cap of course. I’m willing to exchange v-bucks or real money or whatever, as long as you’re willing to exchange it for the drugs. This is the way haha”
Word quickly spread in the immediate area that there was a “narc,” among the players.
“Yeah, that wasn’t hard to call,” said Rick Grimes from The Walking Dead. “He kept running around asking us all if we were selling any drugs. Like dude, I’m just in here trying to watch the concert. I don’t think Epic has patched in an illegal drug trade yet, but who knows, maybe they will next season. Doesn’t this asshole have anything better to do than hassle a bunch of kids trying to just hang out?”
As of press time, the Mandalorian had changed skins into a standard police officer uniform and opened fire on everybody.
