BANDITS’ COVE — Following a failed attempt to destroy a bandit hideout in obscure PlayStation 2 action RPG “Mythos III: Spilea,” enemy bandits had begun repeatedly attacking the main character’s fallen corpse, sources claim.
“Whooo! Yeah! How do you like that?” cheered an unnamed bandit, repeatedly shooting at the player’s lifeless body as if it was still a threat. “This will show you not to mess with us!” With this, the bandits briefly paused to reload their rifles before they continued shooting.
“I guess it’s cool they give you a ‘cinematic’ shot of your death and all, but to be honest, it felt excessive,” complained player character Vivian Credit, watching the bandits’ assault as she floated, incorporeal, waiting to respawn. “Honestly, it would even be more satisfying if they celebrated over my corpse. Or at least they could walk away. But instead they just keep attacking, like they don’t even realize you’re dead. I mean, I won’t be dead for long, but still.”
While the bandits remained enthusiastic, not all of the game’s NPCs were enthusiastic about such irrational behavior.
“Aye, me crew be loyal, but they ain’t much for conversation,” said Bandit King McGee, the intended boss at the end of the failed sidequest. “I told them to be on the lookout for intruders, but I didn’t mean all the time. I be tryin’ to talk to them at lunch, ask their plans for the weekend, but all they ever want to say is ‘Huh? I heard something!’ I know we be bandits, but there be more to life than attackin’ adventurers who invade the hideout, ye know? The hideout be safe, though. Suppose I can’t complain about that.”
At press time, every shopkeeper in the game was still waiting patiently for the arrival of their only customer.
