NEW DONK CITY — Mario’s sentient sidekick Cappy transformed into a MAGA hat to fit in after the pair found itself in New Donk City’s Staten Island borough, sources report.
“I knew something was off when we got on that orange ferry,” Cappy admitted. “We had been looking for a manhole cover to get to the city’s power source, and we definitely took a wrong turn. As soon as we got off the boat, all the New Donkers were draped in American flags and shirts with Donald Trump’s mugshot. Even the Power Moons had the Thin Blue Line design on them. I could feel us sticking out even more over there, but luckily we fit right in after I turned into a MAGA hat. Mario started getting high-fives from everybody we walked past, but I still couldn’t wait to leave.”
Resident Vinnie DelVecchio commented on what he had seen.
“I was headed over to Key Food for some Funyuns when I saw this little chubby guy running around bouncing off people’s heads,” DelVecchio commented. “At first, I was ready to punch his fuckin’ lights out ‘cuz we don’t do that here, but then when he got close enough for me to see his hat I knew he was a good guy. Turns out he’s a plumber, and I hope his business is doin’ well now that Crooked Joe Biden is out of office. I was about to tell him as much, but he turned into a power line or some shit and just zipped off.”
Mayor Pauline was dismayed when she heard about Mario’s experience.
“I really should have closed that ferry until Mario ships out,” Pauline lamented. “We’re going to have an absolutely gorgeous concert once he fixes the power source, and now he’s only going to remember the most embarrassing part of New Donk City. At least I was able to successfully quash the Staten Island president’s effort to have Kid Rock play the festival. That would’ve been an absolute disaster.”
At press time, Cappy had transformed himself into a knit beanie after Mario wandered into New Donk City’s Williamsburg neighborhood.
