GREENSBORO, N.C. — Sources confirmed Monday that Chad Cassidy, the executive responsible for all hiring, firing, and salary decisions at local software firm EV Solutions, has used a low-res PNG of Goku as his Slack profile picture for seven years.
“He laid off fourteen people last week and the message came directly adjacent to a still of Super Saiyan 3 Goku with lightning coming out of his hair,” said former senior developer Amy Splechter, adding that the small circular image of the Dragon Ball Z protagonist’s third-tier transformation hovered a fraction of an inch from a bulleted list of names being let go effective immediately. “It’s hard to process losing your livelihood while making eye contact with an anime character.”
Remote employee Jon Jennings spoke about the dynamic created by Cassidy’s decision to represent himself exclusively through the warrior formerly known as Kakarot.
“I’ve never actually seen my boss’s face. For all I know, he is Goku,” said product designer Jon Jennings, explaining that the avatar of the Saiyan’s intensely focused battle stare is the singular facial point of reference associated with Cassidy on all platforms across the company. “And honestly I’d rather work for Goku than some schmuck in khakis.”
Cassidy responded to questions about the image during a routine company meeting.
“It was probably the only picture I had on my laptop at the time. I haven’t really thought about it until now,” explained Cassidy, noting that he hasn’t gotten around to changing it yet and “didn’t realize anyone gave a shit”. “I figured people know I’m not Goku. Does this really matter?”
At press time, Cassidy updated his profile picture to a smiling selfie with his dog, prompting the company’s entire staff to resign.
