LITTLEROOT TOWN — A local child has been hospitalized after his special day was ruined by a swarm of middle-age Pokémon resellers lunging for the last 3 starters in town, our sources confirm.
“I was ready to enter into the wonderful world of Pokémon, but all that changed when the scalpers got in,” said Youngster Joey from the mouth hole of his full body cast. “Professor Birch warned me they’d be lurking in the tall grass, I never expected them to walk right through the front door.”
The incident, originally intended to be a private viewing, was instigated after word spread across the region about the presence of three exclusive shiny Pokémon—Mudkip, Treecko, and Torchic—in Littleroot Town.
“I was gonna give the kid a Pokémon, I really was, but when those scalpers got in and started outbidding each other… I couldn’t pass up some extra funds for my research,” said Birch, the Littleroot Lab Professor, as he polished his brand new PC. “It’s a shame what happened to that kid though, I guess 10 years old is too young for a magical world of Pokémon.”
Youngster Joey’s Mom, who was right next door when it happened, has called on local law enforcement to hold the money-hungry collectors accountable.
“They’re monsters, every last one of them,” she said to local reporters outside the hospital. “I hadn’t even given him his running shoes, I can’t help but think if I had he would’ve been able to get out of the way in time before he got Mufasa’d.”
Both law enforcement and the FCC have taken notice of the recent uptick in tramplings across the country, all being linked to exclusive Pokémon. Poké Mart has already limited the number of value-sized Pokémon boxes to two per customer, but that hasn’t stopped scalpers in the secondary from upselling anybody who wants to enter into the hobby.
At press time, the Pokémon Youngster Joey did end up receiving has been sent back from grading as a PSA 4 due to visible damage and stress.
