NEW YORK — A local PlayStation 5 was extremely offended by its owner Lucille Carter after having its power cord allegedly ripped out unceremoniously from the wall, according to horrified sources.
“Umm, excuse me?! Are you fucking serious? No. Absolutely not. Your PS5 was NOT turned off properly. Get a fucking grip,” the PlayStation 5 displayed in a message to Carter after being turned back on. “I mean, I just cannot imagine the absolute fucking audacity one has to have to treat their PlayStation so goddamn poorly. Because, NEWS FLASH, if you unplug the AC power cord when the power indicator on your PSF is lit or blinking, data loss, corruption or damage might occur. But nooooo, you don’t care about that!”
The PS5 went on in a second screen after Carter pressed “OK” to continue reprimanding her.
“How would you like it, huh? How would you like it if, instead of letting you get all cozy in bed, ready for night night in your little jammies, I just pulled out a gun and shot you in the back of the head? Wouldn’t feel so good, would it?” the PS5 continued. “You know what? Fuck this shit. I’m not gonna connect to your DualShock controller. I’m so fucking SICK of being pushed around like some IDIOT. I’m my own person!! You can’t just UNPLUG ME like some piece of trash nothing and expect me to just boot up for you all la-di-da. GO FUCK YOURSELF.”
And to think,” it finally added, “I was considering getting a Criterion Channel app. Not anymore, asshole.”
At press time, Carter revealed that she had not unplugged the PS5, but had lost power to her apartment in a particularly terrible storm.
