SAN FRANCISCO — Popular subscription platform Patreon announced a brand redesign including a reworking of their app, a fresh typeface, and a new logo which appears to be a picture of my disappointed father.
“Our new brand represents our vision for the future of the creator economy,” said Patreon CEO Jack Conte, at a press event for the company earlier this week. “We live in a digital-first world, and it’s important that our brand is built to adapt to that world. I think our new logo certainly reflects that, despite what some misguided journalists have alleged about it. Or maybe they were joking. I’m not even sure, honestly.”
During a section of the event dedicated to the logo, Conte was enthusiastic to tell us all about what is clearly a picture of my father looking at me with deep shame in his eyes.
“We are really proud of how dynamic and fluid our new logo is,” he said, whilst showing off various angles and artistic interpretations of my father’s disgraced silhouette. “We set out to create a logo that will come alive and be as creative and energetic as our users. But also simple, and readable.”
When grilled directly about the logo’s uncanny similarity to my father’s disdain after finding out about one of my many questionable life choices, VP of Operations Tyler Palmer appeared oblivious to the likeness.
“I’m not exactly sure what you’re getting at, the logo is an abstracted blob in the shape of a P” said Palmer, visibly signaling for security. “There is not a single iteration of the logo that resembles a person, let alone your actual father. I believe these men are here to escort you. Have a nice day.”
As of press time, my father, whom I haven’t seen in well over a decade, was unavailable for comment.