SOMEWHERE NEAR ALBUQUERQUE — ACME Industries, manufacturers of notably explosive products, introduced a self-driving car that has proven to be slightly less dangerous than an average Tesla, sources have confirmed.
“Not bad, not bad at all,” said a safety inspector writing on their clipboard shortly after watching a prototype of the new ACME Model 1 explode sky high after encountering a speed bump. “Obviously we have some revisions to make on the safety-and-randomly-exploding side of things, but I am pretty sure we’re right in the middle of the pack currently. Our brakes work and shit, so that’s nice. When that pilot parachutes down here we’ll get his thoughts too. If he survived, I mean.”
Automobile enthusiasts were shocked by ACME’s sudden entrance into the competitive EV field.
“Wow, the guys that make giant mallets and bombs,” asked local resident Fiona Burke. “Fuck it, why not? I was skeptical, but then I saw all the cool bells and whistles, like the digital dashboard and the thing that shoots oil down behind you in case anyone is following you. Now I’m thinking it’s actually pretty bad ass? The way it explodes if you hit the wrong button on the key fob is a little troubling to me, though. Like, why even put that button on there?”
Longtime supporters of ACME say it’s merely the latest in a long line of brilliant innovations.
“This is incredible, maybe the best thing available in the entire ACME Catalog,” said Kurt Jarvis, a vocal ACME fan. “From the giant rockets that never really work like they’re supposed to all the way to the dynamite plunger that just blows up in your face, that catalog is packed with genius ideas, and this one takes the cake. ACME is so great. I’m sure one day they’ll make something that doesn’t blow up.”
As of press time, a stray roadrunner had broken into the ACME demonstration and completely ruined it for everybody.
