Press "Enter" to skip to content

Snowed-In Gamer’s Routine Affected in No Way

DULUTH, Minn. — A gamer confined to his home due to a record setting blizzard has reported no changes in his day-to-day activity, sources have confirmed. 

“Yeah, just kinda doing the same shit, to be honest,” said local gamer Ray Ferris, after Duluth received a record breaking amount of snow in the last several days. “I have enough Ramen and cereal to last a while, and luckily my internet hasn’t been affected by the storm. And my family all just gets me soda for Christmas now, so I’m all set on drinks for a while. I’m pretty much good, to be honest. Just gonna work on beating Elden Ring again.”

Ferris’ friends and family were relieved to hear he’d been successfully weathering the storm. 

“I reached out to make sure he was okay,” said Anna Washburn, Ray’s sister who resides in Georgia. “And he texted me back emojis of a video game controller, some grass, and the thumbs up sign. God, my brother is so resilient. I would be freaking out at a time like this, but he’s putting on a brave face for all of us. I just hope he’s holding up.” 

Weather experts advised anyone in the immediate vicinity of the severe blizzard to do their best to live like a gamer in the coming days. 

“It might be rough if you’re not used to it, but a gaming lifestyle might be the difference between life or death in some situations,” warned Hal Cronin of the National Weather Service. “In addition to food and water we urge everyone to keep a healthy backlog on hand to work on during any storm, and some beer or weed, if that’s their thing. Oh, and also, don’t just order food delivery until the snow stops. That’s not cool at all.” 

As of press time, Ferris briefly considered getting his mail before ultimately changing his mind, continuing a streak that predated the recent winter storm.