#20 — Nutsuo
Nutsuo is really big on TikTok for some reason. He just posts these lip sync videos where he mouths lines from famous movies, and has over 200 thousand followers for it. I don’t get it, but hey, good for him!
#19 — Ryu
Ryu is one of the coolest guys we know. Seriously, a ninja? That’s awesome. He doesn’t even flaunt it or anything like that on social media. And he totally could! How many people do you know that are actual ninjas? Zero? Exactly. If I were a ninja, I’d be posting about that shit non-stop. But then again I probably wouldn’t be a very good ninja if I did.
#18 — Miki
Miki is one of the hardest working people out there, and the girl really knows how to network! Her LinkedIn page is constantly buzzing with comments, support, and questions for career advice. Sometimes she can be a little too business-oriented though, but it’s hard not to feel at least a little inspired by her determination.
#17 — Dangle
Dangle is chill! I mean, he lives a sort of sedentary lifestyle, and doesn’t aspire to do much, but at least he’s pleasant to be around and his posts aren’t aggravating to have to read. What more could you ask for?
#16 — Dipp
Dipp runs a fashion account on Instagram with a ton of followers. Every once in a while I’ll see something on there that I want to buy, but usually I just end up thinking that there’s no way I could pull that outfit off like Dipp does.
#15 — Foomin
Foomin is the queen of the family group chat. She posts the funniest memes, shares big news as soon as it breaks, and even checks in with us to make sure we’re all having a great day! Foomin’s great.
#14 — Hans
Hans reposts artists’ work on Twitter, but will ALWAYS credit the original source, and is very outspoken about the potential dangers of AI. Seriously, not all heroes wear capes! Some of them just have large bowls for heads instead.
#13 — Can-Can
Can-Can is quick to call out blatant misinformation on social media, which is great because someone has to. If it weren’t for Can-Can, I can think of a few gullible relatives who would have taken Ivermectin instead of getting the vaccine.
#12 — Njamo
Njamo plays in a noise rock band, and has the coolest taste in music. I’ve honestly discovered so much good stuff just by following him on Spotify. Man, I wish I could be as cool as Njamo.
#11 — L’Amour
L’amour texts me “happy birthday!” every single year– never misses one. I mean she probably remembers because my birthday is on my Facebook page, but still, it feels pretty nice to know someone cares!
#10 — Shikao
Shikao has a great Letterboxd account. Seriously, he watches like, everything. Whenever there’s a movie I haven’t seen, I look it up on Letterboxd to see if Shikao has reviewed it. And sure enough, that’s always the case. Shikao gave it 1 star? Better skip it.
#9 — Huey
Huey usually only posts about social causes that he’s trying to raise money for, and not much else. He uses social media a lot more effectively than me or any of my friends. My only complaint is that I wish I were as wholesome and useful as he is!
#8 — Macho
Macho is a chad, but like, the good, wholesome kind of chad. Not the “my avatar is a Greek statue and you must be exterminated” kind of chad. If you ever want to start hitting the gym but feel self-conscious, Macho will be there to build you up, not cut you down. He’ll give you a personalized workout plan based on your body type and daily activity level if you ever need it.
#7 — Drooby
Drooby makes all of her money from an extremely popular OnlyFans account, which she claims is in the top 0.00001% percentile on the website. Obviously she knows how to keep her business and personal life separate, and it’s hard not to respect her ambitious entrepreneurial attitude.
#6 — Marcy
Marcy is like the token normie friend, but damn it, we love her for it anyway. She’s usually posting memes that are at least a few years old, and sharing “Which Character From The Office Are You?” quiz results, but she’s always there to offer emotional support when you really need it. She’s an Erin, just in case you were wondering.
#5 — Kunihiro
Kunihiro owns a motorcycle, and pretty much just posts pictures of his motorcycle. That’s badass, Kunihiro. Very cool, no notes.
#4 — Mag
Mag’s a total Gamer Girl, with two capital G’s. She has a popular YouTube channel showing off her awesome collection, hosts three different gaming podcasts, and she runs an account on Twitter where she posts links to gaming deals every single day. I mean, who doesn’t like saving money?
#3 — Kinoko
We all have that cousin who’s the drug dealer, the hook-up, the family plug. Run out of weed? Need a prescription but have no insurance? Kinoko is available pretty much 24/7 via Signal.
#2 — Jungle
Jungle likes every single post I make. Good or bad, doesn’t matter, Jungle will always be there flooding my notifications with unbridled support and love. You’ll never be in your flop era when Jungle’s around.
#1 — Mu
You know what makes Mu so great? He got the fuck off of social media like, 3 years ago when lockdown started. “I’m going to be deleting everything and taking some time off to focus on myself.” God damn dude, respect. I only wish I had the guts to do it myself, but alas, I can’t stop drinking this poison.
