#10 — Citadel
Citadel has lots of light, that’s for sure. And a good chunk of that light is thanks to some great skylights at the ceiling of your potential home. Awesome! The rest of that light, however, is radiating off the walls — making it feel like you’re one of the bugs living inside of a particularly bland-looking gaming PC. Also, yeah, bugs live in your PC. Sorry about that.
#9 — Avalanche
OK I know I’ve dunked on the snowy locations further up on this list, but Avalanche is actually not so bad. Yes, it’s really really cold. You’re going to need some warm clothes for sure. But it also has a ginormous tower for you to live in and a whole lot of space for you to goof around in vehicles. Every kid wants to get a Covenant car for Christmas, and you KNOW those losers living on Assembly are gonna hear from their jealous kids when they see yours roll up to school in a brand new Wraith.
#8 — Construct
Finally a massive elevator system that’s not going to kill you! Construct is a perfectly middle-of-the-road place to raise a family, as far as sci-fi battlegrounds go. It’s spacious and walkable, but also dangerous and a bit oddly laid out. Maybe with some bead-curtains over the lifts and some cool paintings up on the cold metallic walls, you can really make it your own. I wouldn’t, but you could.
#7 — Assembly
It might be a little too annoying to live in a literal factory. Who wants to think about work when they’re at home? But as far as Halo maps go, Assembly is basically a big house. You’ve got a nice round layout with a bunch of different rooms for your keys to stay in. There’s not a lot of room for play, which is important, but maybe you can get a nice deal due to all the noise and air pollution. Pretty good place to live on a budget!
#6 — Foundry
Foundry is basically just a giant warehouse that you can arrange in any way you want. Maybe you think that it’s stupid or ugly, and I wouldn’t disagree with you at all. But I know a LOT of people who live in Bushwick apartments that are literally exactly the same as this place and they seem to love it! They obviously don’t have kids, but good for them.
#5 — Epitaph
Epitaph is the closest you’ll get to living in like a castle from Game of Thrones. I mean look at those views from the walkways! You can see all the peasants living beneath you in the sand like fools. Ultimately, Epitaph could be a great home if you can carve some space into a bathroom and a bedroom or two. Forerunners really hated peeing, huh?
#4 — High Ground
High Ground is a little bit tiny, but you’ve got a great fortress and some dope waterfront area. It’s the kind of place that would get a ton of visitors on a reality website even though the person taking a photo used an especially egregious fish-eye lens. High Ground was the first map playable in Halo 3, and for that reason, it kinda feels like my small hometown that I wanna move out of. But I have to admit I enjoyed my upbringing here, even if I’m trying to move out to the big Valhalla.
#3 — Valhalla
The aptly-named Valhalla is a terrific place to raise a family. It’s got beautiful scenery and two giant houses for you to stretch out in. From the waterfalls, to the mountains, if you’re looking to settle down in a spot that happens to also sometimes be used as a warzone for teams of genetically-enhanced super soldiers, you can’t find a much prettier home than Valhalla. Especially if the Spartan Laser is still around.
#2 — The Pit
The Pit is a perfect home for anyone looking to raise their family in a Halo 3 map with a lot of privacy. You’ve got tons of places for rooms, too! From the scenic towers to the sword-room, which is a great spot for a moody teen to get some alone time. When your kids are young, they’re going to have an absolute blast playing peek-a-boo with the Brutes that pop up on the walls from time to time.
#1 — Last Resort
More like First Resort! Because it’s your first choice and it’s like living on a resort. Who the hell is naming this place?! You’ve got a giant house, beachfront property, and your own goddamn Ferris wheel at your disposal! What more do you people want!? Are you out of your minds?? LAST RESORT???
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