Mega Man has been a staple of video games since its debut in 1987. Since then there have been 11 mainline games, each with 8 of the series’ signature Robot Masters (except the first game, which had six). Their weaknesses and backstories have all been covered exhaustively, but one analysis that’s not been done to our knowledge is a study as to which of the 86 would be the best roommates. We did our best to evaluate each Robot Master, as well as speak to former roommates of theirs when possible, and determine the proper order. Enjoy!
86. Napalm Man (Mega Man 5)
Okay, this is pretty obvious, but this guy is just made out of rockets and napalm and shit. He’s a walking fireworks factory, and on top of the danger inherent with that (especially if you live somewhere that has earthquakes), how do you think it’s gonna go when you go to add a guy named Napalm Man to the lease? Not worth the hassle.
85. Hard Man (Mega Man 3)
Hard Man is a big dumb son of a bitch that will never talk and will get his head stuck in the wall every couple of weeks. You should try to avoid living with him if at all possible.
84. Sword Man (Mega Man 8)
Ugh, this won’t be much of a surprise, but Sword Man is just too insufferable about swords all the time. He’ll come into the kitchen while you’re buttering toast and say, “Hm, that’s a pretty little sword,” and just leave the room. Like, did you just come in here to make fun of my butter knife? What a dick.
83. Acid Man (Mega Man 11)
I know, I know, this would be cool if he sold acid, right? Well it’s not like that at all. This guy is really into the burning acid and has beakers of it all over his room and shit. You know it’s just a matter of time before you start wondering where your coffee mugs are. They’re filled with acid, bro.
82. Freeze Man (Mega Man 7)
Freeze Man owes me $135. I know people are really charmed by him and he always throws fun parties, but I don’t care. Give me my fucking money.
81. Blast Man (Mega Man 11)
An ex-carnie that’s passionate about explosives. Want me to keep going?
80. Plug Man (Mega Man 9)
Ugh, you know how sometimes when you share a place it can be tough to come by spare outlets? That’s bad enough without your actual roommate crying like, “Ummm I need to plug myself in or else I’ll die!” So annoying.
79. Slash Man (Mega Man 7)
No shade, but this is just trouble waiting to happen. I’ll just come out and say the obvious; the man is made out of spikes. You want to share furniture with Slash Man? Before you say I’m being too harsh, please remember that since he’s a robot that even his spiky hair is actual spikes. No way, pal.
78. Torch Man (Mega Man 11)
A handful of these guys are always on fire, and that’s just not gonna help anyone’s prospects when they’re being evaluated on how good of a roommate they are. This guy has two fires! Sheesh. Also, it’s kind of awkward hanging out with someone who’s so clearly modeling their whole thing on Fire Man. I had a roommate in college that did that with Fred Durst. It’s not good!
77. Snake Man (Mega Man 3)
Snake guys, man. Bottom tier roommates. I don’t need to know anything else.
76. Frost Man (Mega Man 8)
There’s a lot of guys on this list who’s heating or cooling requirements are huge factors, and Frost Man is freaking huge and not that bright, so it’s really hard to explain to him why the house can’t be kept at 42 degrees all day. Plus, you want this guy on your couch? I sure don’t. He’s gonna crush it!
75. Flash Man (Mega Man 2)
Flash Man is a real piece of shit. He’ll straight up freeze time to get out of an argument he’s losing. So uncool.
74. Search Man (Mega Man 8)
Uh, this guy has two heads and is way into guns and camouflage. You need me to say anything?
73. Blade Man (Mega Man 10)
Do you remember all those scenes in Edward Scissorhands where he’s just destroying that family’s beautiful home by accident? That’s no way to live.
72. Gravity Man (Mega Man 5)
Gravity man is like an annoying conspiracy theorist roommate, but he just goes on and on about gravity as if there’s people that doubt its existence. That’s not even a real conspiracy theory, dude. Why don’t you just shut up about gravity already?
71. Wave Man (Mega Man 5)
One time at a party Wave Man told me he was most comfortable on the bottom of the ocean, and that he hated being up here with us ‘Air Breathers.’ If he’s looking for a roommate up here in a dry apartment, things must have taken a turn for him, and I’m sure he would be a huge crank about it. Avoid living with Wave Man!
70. Wind Man (Mega Man 6)
Wind Man will break your heart. He tries so hard to be a good dude, but sometimes when he gets emotional or has a bad dream he still just rips everything apart with his wind powers, even though he didn’t mean to and always apologizes. I feel really, really bad putting Wind Man this low, but fair is fair.
69. Cut Man (Mega Man)
People love this guy, but sadly his best days are behind him, and he will not shut up about it! Every time some movie preview comes on TV he starts groaning and laughing sarcastically at it. You can just tell he wants you to ask him about it. No wonder no one calls you any more, dude.
68. Block Man (Mega Man 11)
Block Man does two things. He drinks and he works out. He doesn’t eat, he doesn’t sleep, he just gets raging drunk and works out while screaming. Terrible roommate!
67. Tomahawk Man (Mega Man 6)
This one is dicey because the guy is a walking stereotype, but even if he wasn’t he has a giant ax for a damn hand. Even if he changed his name and took off the headdress, you’d still have to open the door for this guy when he was carrying in groceries, and that’s pretty annoying.
66. Tornado Man (Mega Man 9)
You ever look at your kitchen and think “Ugh, it looks like a tornado went through here?” You really want that to happen four times a day?
65. Charge Man (Mega Man 5)
You might hear Charge Man and think, “Oh cool, some high tech guy I can charge my phone on,” and you couldn’t be more wrong. Charge Man is a locomotive themed Robot Master. If you take one thing away from this list, let it be this: Don’t move in with a coal-powered roommate. They fuck the walls all up with that smoke.
