LOS ANGELES — Entertainment studios celebrated last night as the clock struck midnight and the world’s oldest man, Clancy Wilkerson, turned 120 years old and became available for public use, both commercially and non-commercially.
“From this day forward, Wilkerson is no longer protected by any intellectual property laws,” said Catherine Stihler, CEO of the Creative Commons Corporation. “This means he no longer owns his likeness and is legally required to do whatever any studio tells him to do. Simply put, Wilkerson is a toy now, and when he isn’t fulfilling any duties, he will be placed back into his pen to slumber. Go crazy, guys.”
Many movie studios were eager to seize this new opportunity.
“We’ve been counting down to this day for a long time,” said Sony President Kenichiro Yoshida in a press conference this morning. “From space operas to cyber-horrors, we’ve already prepared a slate of action-packed sci-fi blockbusters with Wilkerson set to star in all of them. I know casting a centenarian in twelve high-octane blockbusters may seem cruel at first glance, but the audience wants it and Wilkerson legally can’t say no, so this is a win-win for everyone.”
Fans showed excitement as numerous other studios announced projects starring Wilkerson, though Wilkerson’s great-granddaughter, Olivia Fletcher, felt quite different.
“I’ve seen my great-grandpa maybe a handful of times in my life, and he was taking a nap every single time,” Fletcher said. “Entering the public domain is a huge honor, but for fuck’s sake he’s a hundred and twenty years old and just got casted as the lead role in the next Mad Max movie! I mean, what are they going to do, CGI out his cane from every frame? Alright, don’t tell anyone I said this, but the more I imagine it, the more I want to see it.”
At press time, Wilkerson was seen attempting to roundhouse kick a tree in his front yard while muttering to himself about how no domain can contain him.
