LOS ANGELES – Hollywood talent scouts believe they have found the next Harrison Ford-type leading man in one hundred and four year old curmudgeon Neville Nashly, who is reportedly irately bothered by every last one of you, sources who misunderstand Ford’s initial appeal confirmed.
“We’re very excited to introduce some new blood into the current stable of big budget leading men. Well, technically it’s very, very old blood, but he makes people get to the theater then who are we to care?” stated producer Dan Gelvin in a press release earlier. “Neville is gonna shake things up a lot by being noticeably vitriolic on Comic Con panels and meeting the adulation of every enamored fan with a withering, hollow stare that radiates malice – just like the way Harrison’s always done it.”
Fans have been quick to embrace Nashly as both a Hollywood dreamboat and an emotional stand-in for their own absentee father figures.
“Harrison Ford will always be a legend – but lately, it just feels like he’s been expressing more genuine joy and interest in the projects he’s been working on, and it doesn’t exactly have the same magnetism as when he viscerally hated every last goddamn thing that came into his field of vision,” explained superfan Kelsey Jackson. “But Neville, gosh he is such a complete bubbling crockpot of crotchety aggravation that I just can’t help but be smitten with his craft – whatever that craft eventually turns out to be that is. I think they’re still figuring that out.”
Nashly appeared confused and annoyed by his newfound notoriety, which has reportedly only increased his public appeal.
“Who the hell is Harry Ford and why do people keep telling me I’d be a good ‘Stan Solo?’ Stop taking pictures of me, you bloodsuckers!” said Nashly to paparazzi while trying to feed birds in the park. “I haven’t even been to the movie cinema in years. The last one I saw was that god awful ‘Footloose’ nonsense and it turned me off of the whole confounded industry. That town was right to ban dancing – it’s indecent.”
At press time, Nashly’s manager announced they had signed a $400 million deal with Marvel for him to play Peter Parker’s great-great-step-uncle in the MCU.
