FORT WORTH, Texas — Several transphobes online expressed negative opinions about the absence of full frontal nudity in the recently released Barbie movie, sources confirmed.
“I don’t understand how adult human females can enjoy this woke propaganda,” said Lula Copeland, who identifies as gender critical. “They only say the word vagina once in the entire movie. All of the characters should be completely nude for at least one scene in the film so that we can decide whether or not it’s sending the right message to our children. I don’t have children, but ya know, if I did.”
Copeland’s friend and fellow TERF Megan Castro shared similar thoughts. “My girlfriends were all laughing and crying, and I was just sitting there, trying to figure out who in Barbieland produces the large gametes. If it’s this confusing for me, I can only imagine how confusing it is for the impressionable youth being tricked by wretched doctors.”
When reminded Barbie is a plastic kids toy and not a human being, Copeland doubled down.
“I can’t relate to Barbie if she wasn’t born with a fully functioning female reproductive system,” she explained. “So what if she’s directly affected by the same impossible patriarchal standards that make my life hell? The only real indicator of womanhood is passively wondering when you had your last pap smear.”
A source close to Copeland and Castro claimed they weren’t always like this.
“It’s so sad, because they used to be able to have fun,” said the former friend, who asked to remain anonymous. “They flat-out condemned Misty for suggesting we go see Oppenheimer next. Apparently the jury’s still out on Cillian Murphy’s bone structure.”
At press time, Copeland and Castro have both resolved to never watch another film again.
