NEW YORK — The once amazing Spider-Man has reportedly started moonlighting as a salesman for multi-level marketing company and creator of Cutco Knives, Cutco Corporation.
Residents all over New York were shocked to find the web crawler knocking on their doors last week offering them a chance to sell knives with their very own starter kit.
“Freaking Spider-Man, at my door? It was a dream come true, and then the knives came out,” said Thomas Sterling, a New Yorker still trying to dissect his encounter with the web head. “No way his spider sense didn’t pick up on that scam. Someone must’ve scrambled his brains or something. Maybe the Green Goblin or that fish bowl guy erased his common sense or something.’
Daily Bugle Editor-in-Chief, J. Jonah Jameson is not surprised at all by Spider-Man’s new business ventures.
“Of course Spider-Man is an MLM Hun,” Jameson said before shouting at Bugle photographers and demanding photos of Spider-Man selling knives. “He’s probably also selling Mary Kay and Pampered Chef. His downline is probably filled with a who’s who of masked villains and human traffickers. He’s in cahoots with them all. As far as I’m concerned, if you buy a knife from that menace you should be tossed in the pen with him and all his masked buddies.”
During our investigation we caught up with Spider-Man to ask him about these allegations and why he’s found himself in the middle of a pyramid scheme.
“It’s not a pyramid scheme, you wise guy,” Spider-Man said before jumping off the wall and pulling out a pamphlet. “You see a set of knives, I see an opportunity for us all to rise up financially and be independent businessmen. Aren’t you tired of chasing the dollar? Don’t you want to be your own boss and cut your corporate shackles? You can, all you need is this Cutco sales starter kit, and it just so happens I can sell you one. Normal price is $1000, but since I like you, I’ll sell you this one for $500. So what do you say?”
At press time, Spider-Man had successfully added me to his growing downline which already included The Sinister Six, Venom, and Kraven The Hunter.
