LOS ANGELES — Flash vs. Kang, the highly anticipated crossover between the Marvel and DC extended cinematic universes, was forced to shut down production just minutes after it began due to several simultaneous controversies, sources have confirmed.
“We were prepared for this possibility, but were really hoping we’d somehow pull it off without too bad an incident,” said Kevin Feige, President of Marvel Studios and one of several executive producers of the highly anticipated film. “Or at least get a few more scenes filmed before we had to shut it down. We didn’t even make it to lunch. After we saw how they had to sit on that Flash movie for a few years, we just said ‘No way,’ and sent everyone home. We can’t do four months of this.”
The incidents began shortly before the first shot of the day, when both of the film’s titular stars refused to come out of their trailers.
“I’ve seen a lot of wild shit on the job, but never anything like this,” said Gary Weathers, a production assistant. “Ezra [Miller, star of The Flash] wouldn’t come to set until Jonathan [Majors, who plays Kang in the MCU] came out. When we sent a PA to Jon’s trailer, uh, well that became a whole thing and it sounds like I’m not supposed to talk about that for now. When we tried to go tell Ezra what was going on, we found them at craft services threatening to beat up whoever used up the veggie dip. Then they pulled two guns out. This was a nightmare and it was before they shot a frame of footage. Just a disaster.”
The scrapped film, which fell 15 million dollars behind budget due to its unproductive first day, is merely the latest in a string of high profile canceled projects.
“Well, at least we’re getting more efficient at canceling high-profile projects,” said David Zaslov, President of Warner Bros. Discovery, who financed half of the halted production. “We wrote, cast, and shot that entire Batgirl movie before I had the bright idea to can it. Much more cost efficient to just shut these things down when you get a whiff of trouble, you know what I mean? Personally, I think it’s good that I’m in control of so many people’s art and livelihoods. Very, very good.”
As of press time, Flash vs. Kang was being heavily rewritten to mostly be about Batman.
