BURBANK, Calif. — Marvel Studios confirmed months of rumors and online speculation today when they stated that they are in fact working on another cinematic adaptation of one of their iconic comic books.
“Oh fuck yes, finally some good news,” said Chuck Walters, a Marvel fan who was overjoyed about the announcement. “People were talking online like it was a sure thing, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up too early. The last few years have been pretty fucked up for movies, and I think they had to pay Scarlet Johansson a lot of money from that lawsuit. Glad to see they were able to bounce back. Do you think they’ll reboot any of my favorite cartoons from my childhood next?”
Many fans speculated about the nature of the new film, of which little is officially known.
“Maybe we’re getting MCU versions of Fin Fang Foom or Alpha Flight or something,” said Lindsay Cartwright, another Marvel superfan. “That would be so sick. Or maybe it’ll just be a new Hulk movie, we’ve been wanting a proper one of those for years after the last two came out so bad. After Guardians 3 and Thor 4 and Ant Man 3, they should really do a Hulk 1 Part 3. That would be so sick.”
Marvel executives refused to give away too much information about the movie, expected to release this holiday season.
“Truthfully, we don’t know too much about this film yet,” said Kevin Feige, president of Marvel Studios. “Except that it will be introducing a new character into the cinematic universe, there will be a good amount of quips throughout the film, which I can assure you will be about a half hour too long, and then a big gray action sequence will happen at the end that doesn’t really settle anything except killing off the villain we just introduced a few hours before. Oh, and Doctor Strange shows up at some point, I would assume. You’re all really in for a treat!”
As of press time, Feige encouraged fans to stay after the film’s credits, indicating that there may be “a bit of a surprise,” waiting for audience members.
