You’ve tried answering the door wearing only a Drive jacket, dressing as a nurse (specifically, Heath Ledger’s Joker in a nurse uniform), and food-play with the bento box from My Neighbor Totoro, but things are getting stale? Try this new type of role-play—misquoting the Coen Brothers’ 1998 crime-comedy The Big Lebowski.
Please note, this is not exclusive to heteronormative relationships, if you want to achieve the same results with an LGBTQIA+ partner, simply substitute a more appropriate motion picture, ie. ‘Hocus Pocus,’ ‘Mean Girls,’ or ‘Gold Diggers: The Secret of Bear Mountain.’
Why It Works
Experts discovered that when an attractive partner broaches a protected topic, the combination of gatekeeping instincts with physical arousal creates a physiological response known as the “Um, Actually Effect.”
“Men love to claim a piece of pop culture as their own and will simultaneously protect, it but are dying to share their knowledge with those they deem worthy” said Dr. Michelle Felberbaum, Sociology Professor at the University of Virginia. “Enjoying the ‘right’ things in the ‘wrong’ way indicates a flaw that these men can correct with their cultivated takes.”
It was also confirmed that the desire to explain the proper way to enjoy things releases both endorphins and testosterone.
Preparation
Watch the movie. Alone. This won’t work if you watch it with your partner watching you and pausing to explain the references and why they are funny. That’s it for preparation!
The Set Up
Seduction starts hours before the act, so when you’re ready to rock his framed Akira posters off the wall and the Scott Pilgrim Funko Pops off the shelf, plan an evening starting with the latest A24 slow burn drama-horror and going out to a hole-in-the-wall international cuisine spot he mentioned discovering.
During dinner, get his juices flowing by asking him to name his top three cinematographers and his favorite fan theories about Blade Runner, but be sure to mention a craving for a White Russian.
Execution
After an evening of dinner, drinks, and regurgitated Red Letter Media takes, he will be in the mood. Misquoting Lebowski is a delicate dance: the key is to titillate, not aggravate. Couch the quotes in observation and seduction.
First notice the state of the flooring, since the movie’s inciting incident involves a rug, so drop the line “That carpet really ties the room together,” which displays wit, while just slightly off from the real quote. When you get to the bedroom, ask if you’d like him to remove some clothes and say, “The Dude agrees” while disrobing. If he corrects you with, “It’s the Dude abides,” just bite your lip and nod. Then put on some solo John Fogerty and get to business.
Depending on the intensity, now’s the time to drop in a few Walter Sobchak lines: “Shut the fuck up, Danny!”, “Forget it, Danny, you’re not in your element!” and “This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the Alps!”
Once you’re finished, be sure to look him in the eyes and say ‘”Nobody can fuck with Jesus.” Congratulations, the job is done.
Tips
- To keep them on their toes, throw in a perfect recitation of the line, “Yeah, well, you know, that’s just like… uh… your opinion, man.”
- Make it your own: break out slightly inaccurate costumes, off-brand props, or anachronistic music.
- Don’t be afraid to switch it up by misquoting Barstool Sports, Into the Wild, or Bernie Sanders.
