SEATTLE — A group of Dungeons and Dragons players were horrified to discover that the campaign they had been playing for the last two months existed exclusively to deliver one pun, according to those familiar with the situation.
“I was enthralled by the details of the story. I feel so stupid,,” said the party’s wizard player, Jenn Meyer. “We spent dozens of hours collecting the legendary relics of this fascinating world, only to realize when we finished, that the magic word of the ancient language we revived, when spoken aloud, was just the word ‘penis.’ But before we figured that out, he had us… shout the ancient word, louder and louder. We played the Penis Game. It spent eight weeks adventuring just to play the Penis Game.”
“I knew we never should have let our bard DM the next campaign,” she added.
According to close sources within the party, those playing had invested a great deal of emotions and money into the campaign.
“I bought figurines, maps, custom artwork of all the relics… now I have all these prints hanging that I know spell ‘penis,’” said the party’s barbarian, Stephen Rogers. “I just don’t really understand how someone would spend all their time doing this? Wouldn’t it have been easier to just make a good story? Why go out of your way to make something good just to distract from the possibility of the ending being a dirty pun?”
Mark Shelton, the accused Dungeon Master in question, has argued that there’s nothing wrong with a campaign that leads to a pun.
“People get all up in arms about the ending of a campaign, but it’s about the journey, not the destination right?” said Shelton. “Everyone was all pissed off, but at the end of the day, I gave them a fun adventure. Not every DM can say that, regardless of whether or not theirs led to a dick joke. I wanted to play a game with a dick joke, they wanted to play a sprawling eight week adventure that led to something they didn’t expect. Sometimes everybody gets what they want.”
At press time, Shelton told frustrated reporters to look back over his quote and read just the first letter of every sentence.
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