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Disney Informs Horrified Jeff Bridges That He’s Being Remade

BURBANK, Calif. — Legendary actor Jeff Bridges was horrified recently when Disney executives informed him of their plans to remake him, sources have confirmed. 

“Mr. Bridges was sadly not very receptive to our plans,” said Robert Iger, CEO of Disney, shortly after meeting with the Academy Award winner. “However, we reminded him that we are contractually within our rights to go ahead with the project even without his blessing. We disagree with his assertion that this live action remake is distasteful to the original, and are excited about bringing Jeff Bridges to a whole new generation! We’re also fairly certain Jeff will live through the procedure as well. Which is great news!” 

While the announcement was met with backlash, most also confessed to being curious to see how the remake of Jeff Bridges turns out. 

“I mean, I’ll at least check it out,” said local moviegoer Trevor Benton. “I understand that some people are gonna be pissed off about this, but like, the old one is still there if that’s what you prefer. Let’s just all give this new [Jeff Bridges] a chance, you know? And I mean hey, at least Disney’s not then butchering another animated classic of theirs this time.” 

The star of True Grit, The Big Lebowski, and Crazy Heart, however, was skeptical about the nature of the project. 

“I don’t consent to any part of this,” said the 73-year-old Bridges. “At first I thought you meant you were gonna make a young version of me in a movie or something like Tron, but this is a whole other version of me you wanna create, like Starman. I don’t like it one bit, and now the new version of me keeps getting offers I thought were gonna come to me. I’ll be damned.” 

As of press time, the remade Jeff Bridges had broken free of its chains and was terrorizing New York City as authorities tried to bring it down.