NEW YORK. – U.S. voters flooded with anxiety over the impending doom of the nation will face another kind of doom this election day when they discover their voting booths are fully equipped with a playable version of DOOM.
Interviewed outside of his polling place earlier this morning, modder, DOOM3DF3LL0VV, confirmed getting the 1993 classic shooter working on all voting booths was his handy work and something he thought his fellow voters needed.
“I thought we all needed something to help blow off some steam before things potentially got weird. I thought Doom would be better than just sobbing uncontrollably in the booth,” DOOM3DF3LLOVV said, wearing his ‘I Voted’ sticker. “Kill some Mars demons and then vote for president of the free world, be it the person who will move us forward, or the person who can barely string together a thought, let alone get through the first level of Doom.”
DOOM3DF3LL0VV, on edge about the election, committed to remaining at his polling place until everyone in line had a chance to play DOOM in a voting booth.
“I know there’s a lot of animosity toward undecided voters, I want to let them know I am here for them, I’m not here to judge,” DOOM3DF3LL0VV said outside of his polling place. “I know how hard decision making is for them, so I made the decision to equip all the booths with mouse and keyboards. No deciding between keyboard and gamepad, I’ve cut the hard part out. Get in there and play Doom for as long as you need, while you try to make up your mind. Play it again if you’re still unsure by the time the credits roll.”
Election Officials are preparing for violence and long lines throughout the day. Francis Harold, 72, a poll worker has some tips for anxious voters.
“Once you’re in the booth you have all the time in the world. Speed through Doom or take it slow, but please keep the noise to a minimum as to not distract other voters,” Harold shared, wearing a DOOM 3 t-shirt. “Please do not give food and drink to voters in line, you will be tased. Each booth will come with a warm bottle of Mountain Dew. Do drink the Dew in the booth, don’t take a stranger’s Dew. Lastly, remember to stay in line. No matter how long the line gets we want each and every one of you to play Doom and vote.”
At press time DOOM3DF3LL0VV had been tased and arrested for handing out dixie cups of Mountain Dew: Code Red to voters waiting in line.
