Entertainment Archives - Page 149

Christian Bale Gains 450,000 Pounds to Play Sandworm in ‘Dune’ Remake

Neil Floyd • March 24, 2019

TUNIS, Tunisia — Christian Bale, an actor known for dramatic transformations, has gained over 450,000 pounds to play a sandworm…

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Stoner Can Quit Smoking Weed Anytime Joe Rogan Wants

Andy Holt • March 21, 2019

MILWAUKEE — Local podcast fan and habitual cannabis user Harry Blinker announced this morning that he does not smoke too…

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Netflix’s Witcher Series Delayed as Method Acting Henry Cavill Won’t Stop Accepting Side-Gigs

Giovanni Colantonio • March 20, 2019

GRAN CANARIA, Canary Islands — Netflix announced production of The Witcher has paused due to Henry Cavill, set to portray Geralt…

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Scientists Create Giant Sentient Ass in Lab to Replace Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn

Stephan Reilly • March 19, 2019

LOS ANGELES — Scientists at Los Angeles’ Hollywood Star Replacement Laboratories (HSRL) have revealed their latest breakthrough this week in…

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James Gunn Rehired by Marvel in Unprecedented Victory For White Men

Giovanni Colantonio • March 15, 2019

LOS ANGELES — Disney has reinstated James Gunn as writer/director on Marvel’s upcoming Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3, finally…

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7 Captain Marvel Easter Eggs You Missed Because You’re a Dumb Stupid Idiot. You Moron. You Disgust Me

Jeremy Kaplowitz • March 12, 2019

1 - Stan Lee was rehearsing his lines from the movie Mallrats Are you fucking kidding me with this?! You…

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Struggling Barnes & Noble Adds Hentai Section Behind Beaded Curtain

Dan Kozuh • March 11, 2019

NEW YORK — Barnes & Noble announced today that they will be adding a backroom hentai section to their stores…

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Middle School Student Arrested After Attempted Kamehameha Actually Works

Jimmy Beliakoff • March 10, 2019

CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. — According to eyewitness accounts at McCallister Middle School yesterday afternoon, middle school student Tommy Parker was arrested…

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Rising Rent Forces Daredevil to Become the Devil of East Williamsburg

Danny Taverner • March 8, 2019

BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Rising rents in the Manhattan neighborhood of Hell’s Kitchen have forced the vigilante known as Daredevil to…

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We Got an Advanced Copy of MLB The Show 19 But None of Us Are Really Sports People

Dan Kozuh • March 7, 2019

Sony Interactive Entertainment was kind enough to send our staff a copy of their upcoming game MLB The Show 19…

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