WARSAW — After emerging from their offices for the first time in months following long hours crunching on Cyberpunk 2077, Quality Assurance team members of acclaimed Polish game developer CD Projekt Red were utterly horrified to learn that the game had already been released to the public nearly two weeks ago.
“They fucking did WHAT!?” exclaimed a QA tester who wished to remain anonymous. “There’s no way it’s ready for launch yet, my team and I still haven’t heard back on hundreds of potentially game-breaking bugs we’ve reported. The penises still clip through the pants! We can’t ship a game where the penises are clipping through the pants, right?! Nothing could possibly tarnish CDPR’s reputation more than that!”
According to those familiar with the situation, there were reportedly no signs at the CD Projekt Red office that anything had changed after the release of the game.
“I was honestly surprised I even had the energy to be surprised. I’m fucking exhausted, but it feels good to feel something, I guess,” the anonymous QA tester continued. “We had no idea the game had shipped because everyone just kept working like it hadn’t. It feels like the game is really coming out in February or something. Hell, if I hadn’t walked into that newspaper stand trying to order a coffee out of exhaustion, I wouldn’t even have found out the game had been released!”
At press time, the QA tester said he was hopefully going to get the greenlight from management to start work on the PlayStation 4 version of the game to see how it runs.