Video Games Archives - Page 16

Trans Girl Devastated After Discovering That Estrogen Doesn’t Give You Superhuman Mountain Climbing Abilities

Amity Gilmour • May 6, 2025

VICTORIA, British Columbia — A trans girl looking to climb Mount Celeste was left heartbroken today, after realizing her Estrogen…

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Selection of New Pope Delayed as Cardinals Try to Navigate Ancient Puzzle Room

Peter Cunis • May 6, 2025

VATICAN CITY — Following the passing of Pope Francis, the College of Cardinals have assembled in Vatican City to elect…

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Elon Announces Further Delay in Full Self Awareness

Ted Kindig • May 5, 2025

AUSTIN, Texas — Elon Musk, mascot and “co-founder” of throwback automotive company Tesla, disappointed shareholders yesterday by announcing further delays…

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Pursuer Enemies in Video Games Ranked by Our Sexual Tension

Nik Theorin • May 5, 2025

Whether it’s stalking you through the corridors of a spaceship, chasing you down at the speed of a brisk walk,…

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Trump Announces Tariffs Against Wherever Pikmin Are From

Max Barth • May 2, 2025

WASHINGTON — In an Oval Office address, President Trump has announced sweeping new tariffs against the Pikmin homeworld. “For decades…

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Dad Puts Life Advice Behind Paywall

Tim Graham • May 1, 2025

EVERETT, Mass. — Father of three Paul Danvers announced he has ceased dispensing guidance unless his adult children pay up,…

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RFK Jr. Demands Records of Everyone Who Has Played a Sonic Game

R. Anthony Mahan • April 30, 2025

WASHINGTON — As part of his alleged plan to find the cause and cure for autism, US Health Secretary Robert…

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Kennedy Announces Ban on Most Mountain Dew Flavors

Nick Coffman • April 29, 2025

WASHINGTON — US Health Secretary, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., announced a ban on all Mountain Dew flavors, except for Baja…

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Pickup Artist Releases New Course on How to “Persuasion Wheel” Women

Amity Gilmour • April 29, 2025

IMPERIAL CITY, Cyrodil — A popular pickup artist has released “Wheel Women Into Your Bed,” a course on seducing women…

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Video Essay Condescendingly Reads Wikipedia at You

Garry Kerls • April 28, 2025

SAN FRANCISCO — After struggling to find their footing in the content creator landscape, a local YouTuber has seemed to…

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