Nik Theorin

December 8, 2023

“There’s Your Problem”: Handyman Removing Electrical Panel Surprised to Find Series of Tubes, Blue Liquid Steadily Advancing

“See these glass tubes made up of straight and elbow pieces? Yeah, none of that’s supposed to be there. That’s supposed to be wires."

December 8, 2023

Matthew McConaughey Thrilled to Announce Latest Paycheck

“Pew pew pew,” Mconaughey said. “I love me that gamer money.”

December 5, 2023

YouTuber James Somerton Releases Suspiciously Familiar 4-Hour Apology Video

Hard Drive reached out to Somerton for comment, who responded by asking Hard Drive for comment in turn on an article he was writing titled “YouTuber James Somerton Releases Suspiciously Familiar 4-Hour Apology Video”

November 30, 2023

Man Looks Up From 300th Slay the Spire Run to Realize it Now 2023

"I downloaded it and started my first run. It still feels like just a few hours ago, but apparently that was November 2017."

November 30, 2023

Yu-Gi-Oh Meta in Shambles After Konami Neglects to Print “Except Frog the Jam” on Frog Monster

“‘Except Frog the Jam’ wasn’t just a clumsy way to correct a bad translation on a card printed before there was a proper Frog archetype to make use of it. It was a safety measure: a seal on a power too great to ever see play."

November 30, 2023

Henry Kissinger Loses 100-Year Kill Streak

"I almost had the nuke," Kissinger said from hell. "I def dropped a lot of bombs and I guess I should be thankful for that, but I wanted the nuke bad."

November 23, 2023

Opinion: $70 Video Game Sets Dangerous Precedent for $80 Video Game

“Rising sea levels. Dehumanizing rhetoric. Anti-abortion rulings passed on high by unelected judges. I’m not talking about any of that. I’m talking about the price of video games.”

November 18, 2023

“Hey, Watch It!” Warns NPC Who Just Received Full-Body Hit from Scythe Made of Spine

“I’ve been in the smithing business a long time,” said Dormund, hammering at an inert piece of metal that had long gone cold. “Been in the weapons business even longer. Accidents happen. An open blade nicks you in the leg. An arrow goes wide. A scythe made of a spine collides full-on with your chest and breaks all of your ribs like wet sticks. It happens. All. The. Time.”