“Oh God, Step on Me,” Thinks Horny LEGO Piece
DURHAM, N.C. — A local blue 2x6 brick LEGO piece reportedly hopes that someone will step on it today, according…
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Jeremy Kaplowitz — Page 9
558 stories found
New Gritty Action Movie Reimagines Genre by Not Casting Michelle Rodriguez
LOS ANGELES — A new movie about a group of marines in space battling aliens has reinvented the genre by…
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Mario Invoices Princess for 100 Hours of Plumbing Work Performed During Harrowing Rescue
MUSHROOM KINGDOM — Princess Peach was reportedly shocked to discover that plumber Mario Mario invoiced her for 100 hours of…
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Andrew Tate Thankful to Finally Be Free From Oppressive Women
ROMANIA — Kickboxer and media personality Andrew Tate announced that he was happy to finally be in an all-male environment…
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Filmmaker Honored for Opportunity to Take Beloved Video Game Franchise and Adapt It Into Something Not for Dumb Little Babies
LOS ANGELES — A Hollywood director is reportedly excited to bring critically-acclaimed video game Prisoners to the big screen in…
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Opinion: My Friend Pedro Is a Dangerous Game That Will Inspire Children to Backflip in Slow Motion While Perfectly Head-Shotting Six Guys in Succession
If there’s one thing we know about video games, it’s this: children are learning how to do violence by playing…
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Nintendo Reveals New Pokémon Game Is “Bug Type”
KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo revealed today that Pokémon Scarlet and Pokémon Violet are meant to be “bug type” additions to…
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Gamer Wins ‘Reveal You’re a Racist Any%’ Speedrun at the Game Awards
LOS ANGELES — A gamer who interrupted Elden Ring’s acceptance speech at the 2022 Game Awards has been revealed to…
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Elon Musk Forced to Lay Off 50% of Monkey Workforce He Planned on Murdering
SAN FRANCISCO — Following financial worries, Elon Musk announced that his company Neuralink was forced to lay off 50% of…
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Masked Figure Claiming to Be HasanAbi Begins Streaming on His Account
LOS ANGELES — Following a supposed 48-hour ban for watching copyrighted footage of Kanye West on Twitch, popular streamer Hasan…
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