FDA Bans Red Dye No. 3 After It Turns the President Into Red Hulk
WASHINGTON — The US Food and Drug Administration is banning the use of Red Dye No. 3 in food, drinks,…
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Garry Kerls — Page 4
79 stories found
Not Banned Yet! Americans Flee Tik Tok For Totally Different Chinese Data-Stealing App
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As Americans prepare for a historic social media ban made possible by a groundbreaking bipartisan campaign between…
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Paralyzed Pokemon Still Doing Quite A Lot Out There
MAUVILLE CITY — In a miraculous turn of events, a thought to be paralyzed Sceptile has overcome the crippling status…
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Silent Protagonist Jinxed Back in Middle School
PALLET TOWN — After quietly climbing the ranks and becoming the Pokémon League Champion, Red has broken his vow of…
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Superhero’s Hilarious Quip Delivered to a Mangled Corpse
NEW YORK — Spider-Man was overheard delivering a lighthearted wisecrack to a bloody, mangled corpse, after the target of his…
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Professional Geo Guessers Still Unable To Locate Carmen Sandiego
NEW YORK — After 38 years of unsuccessfully pursuing the criminal mastermind, Carmen Sandiego, The Chief of ACME Detective Agency…
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Adorable Child Star Blossoms Into An Unmarketable Pre-Teen
HOLLYWOOD — After putting in an impressive six years of portraying children on the screen, McClonkey Culkin, the youngest of…
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Fleeing Americans Excited to Explore Better Netflix Libraries
COPENHAGEN — American progressives following through on drunken election night declarations that they would leave the country report that they are…
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JD Vance Disappointed to Learn Presidential Cabinet Is Just a Bunch of People
WASHINGTON — In the wake of a historic Presidential race, Vice President elect JD Vance was eager to get into…
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Local Film Lover Comes Out of the Criterion Closet
KING OF PRUSSIA, Pa. — In a recent Letterboxd review of Francis Ford Coppola's Megalopolis local movie lover, Todd Jacobs,…
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