Jimmy Carter Hanging in There to Pre-Order Metroid Prime 4
PLAINS, Ga. — Former president and centenarian Jimmy Carter fulfilled his goal of voting for Kamala Harris in the 2024…
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Eric Bailey
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Mattress Store Offers Discount on Your Next Podcast Subscription
TINLEY PARK, Ill. — In an effort to drive more business from consumers who listen to lots of mattress advertisements…
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‘Ship of Theseus’ DLC Changes So Much About Sea of Thieves That It Might Not Even Be the Same Game Anymore
TWYCROSS, England — Over the last week, Sea of Thieves developer Rare released a new “Ship of Theseus” DLC that…
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Nintendo Executive Solemnly Reports Last N64 at Shitty McDonald’s Has Finally Stopped Working
KANKAKEE, Ill. — In a mid-afternoon press conference, Nintendo of America President Doug Bowser confirmed that the last Nintendo 64…
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Gamer Mystified by Tinder’s Lack of Dialogue Options
SAN PEDRO, Calif. — Complaining that the app advertised an intricate choice-based system promising branching plotlines depending on the player’s…
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Tolkien Biopic to Be Split Into, I Dunno, Six Films
HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — Executives at Fox Searchlight Pictures have revealed that the upcoming biographical film Tolkien, based on the life…
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Blizzard Gives Employees Box With 8.3% Chance of Containing Pink Slip
IRVINE, Calif. — After a recent earnings report announced record revenue, Activision-Blizzard initiated layoffs by handing out boxes to its…
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