SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Following recent allegations against the embattled publishing giant, an accountant on staff at the video game holding company Activision Blizzard spoke out regarding their preference for an inverted Y-axis when viewing financial performance.
“It just feels better to me for some reason,” said the Activision Blizzard accountant who requested anonymity. “When a company is being talked about a lot in the press, their stock value should go up automatically. It’s exactly like when you pull down on your co-worker’s ponytail to get her attention and she lifts her head up in your direction. But no, instead, every time I go to check our stock prices, everything’s going the complete wrong way.”
“This used to be the default, you know. But now it’s so annoying,” the accountant continued. “I need to go through all of these annoying menus and click all these different buttons to manually flip the graph’s y-axis the way I like it. When will this industry be held accountable for the pain it’s inflicting on poor people like me?”
At press time, the accounting department signed an open letter to the NYSE demanding the stock exchange implement some sort of “bumper jumper” system that lets accountants jump their numbers more easily.